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Operation Jumpstart

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Ready to go, I turned the car key in the ignition.

Silence.

Then click, click, click.

Frustrated, I stood in my driveway banging on the hood. A teenage Good Samaritan offered to help. Inexperienced, Ryan reversed the jumper cables. The brass clamps bit down hard on the DieHard’s battery terminals.

Zaaap!

Smoke and tiny flames leapt from three electrical wires near the battery.

It could have been worse. Like being stuck at night in the middle of nowhere with the hood up, jumper cables slithering down the front bumper, and me praying, God, please send someone who will stop and help me.

My neighbor Samantha, Ryan's mom, drove me to an auto parts store to buy replacement electrical connectors. She profusely apologized for her son’s mistake, even though helping me out made her late for work. Samantha peppered her conversation with words that could call forth fire from many believers.

I found her openness refreshing. No masks. She held nothing back.

She was a solo parent, like me. However, until now, our relationship hadn't moved past the "Howdy, Neighbor" wave.

As if stomping on the brakes, my neighbor's colorful language halted. "Oh, I shouldn’t talk that way around you."

I assumed she thought, Oh, she's that "Christian" neighbor.

Samantha hit my hot button. She tried to raise a facade between us. Too late. Samantha hid nothing and neither did I.

"You know, my pet peeve is when people aren't who they really are with me," I told her. She relaxed, continued talking — and cussing.

When we arrived at the auto parts store, the manager said, "They don't make those connections for your car anymore. It’s too old." He collected bits and pieces of this and that, providing an explanation of how to solder them together. I was glad my "Handy Ma'am" toolbox contained flux and a soldering iron. Samantha dropped me at home and dashed off to work.

From that point on, whenever I stepped outside my front door, "Hey, Scoti!" replaced nonchalant waves and smiles politely signaling, "Howdy, Neighbor." No more hit and run relationship—or cussing. Samantha's enthusiasm to connect ran me down.

She gave me chives and salvia to plant in my yard. I loaned her a rake. We shared our experiences and stresses as solo parents raising sons. I acknowledged how fast her young daughter was growing into a beauty. Justin, Samantha's live-in boyfriend, helped cut down my large, diseased elm tree.

"Why isn't there a guy in your life?" Samantha asked.

"I don't want my loyalties torn between a husband and my sons. My firstborn might kill any man replacing his alpha male position."

Months later, Samantha crossed the road with pain ingrained on every cell of her face. "Would you pray for Justin? He needs the good Lord. Only the good Lord can help him." Her strong confidant exterior cracked revealing a fragile, devastated woman. She poured out details of their relationship, not to manipulate loyalty or sympathy, but simply from her crushed heart. I hugged Samantha and promised to pray for both of them, thinking, I can't believe I’m praying for a cohabitating relationship to work.

A devotional reading whispered this message to my heart: "Be tender with sinners" (Jude 23). Samantha's desire for the good Lord to change Justin triggered my prayer: Holy Spirit, draw her to Jesus. Please use my words and actions to help Samantha recognize who Jesus is.

Samantha's friends advised, "Dump the jerk." In spite of her litany of his offenses, she still loved him.

"Is he willing to go to counseling?" I asked.

"I've begged him to go to counseling. He won't go."

Every time I walked out my front door, Samantha’s house and family situation loomed before me, triggering me to ask God to work in their lives.

A few days later, I rushed to clean my house for company. As I stashed a garbage bag in the container in my driveway, I noticed Samantha working in her yard. I needed to retreat into my house before she noticed me.

"Hey, Scoti." She waved me over. "Can you come over and talk?"

How will I finish my must-do cleaning list before my company arrives?

"I've been praying for you," I said.

"Thank you. Justin's going to make a counseling appointment for us. I told him I won't book the appointment, but if he did, I'd go. I've also decided to go alone to work on myself."

We sat on her grass and chatted. My tension dissolved, as my mind reprioritized compulsive, but nonessential tasks that I could leave undone.

Samantha expressed how tired she felt making the same old bad decisions over and over. Dumping the jerk wouldn't solve her problems. She'd been the dumpee and dumper far too often and wanted to work out the conflict with Justin.

She shared more details about their family dynamics. Jealousy, guilt, and conflict swirled around children from multiple partners.

"You're experiencing normal blended family struggles," I said, hoping my words offered perspective. "Blended families usually don't past five years, because children break them up."

"We've lasted nine years." Hope flashed across Samantha’s face.

Her story reminded me of the Samaritan woman who met Jesus at Jacob's well (John 4:1–42).

Many husbands.

Unmarried.

Sleeping with a man not her husband.

A hot, thirsty, and tired Jesus treated the village wild woman in a far different manner than the religious leaders of His day. His interest, respect, compassion, and heart-to-heart conversation caught her off guard. In Jesus' day, men held all power to divorce, not women. Five husbands rejected this woman, shattering her heart and reputation. Because the Samaritan failed to measure up to pious norms, I imagined the oh-so-righteous married women of the village ostracizing her, cackling about the juicy tidbits of the tattered remnants of her life.

Would I allow Samantha's past to strain our budding relationship? I could dress myself in a black "I'm-better-than-you" judge's robe and condemn her life choices. Any chance of a genuine, caring friendship — gone. Up in smoke.

I could push Samantha away—or bring her one step closer to understanding who Jesus can be in her life. And that meant risking myself, sharing my story, my hurts, my vulnerabilities, and my feelings of rejection and loneliness. Our hearts suffered many of the same traumatic emotional injuries. I didn't want to extinguish the spark of trust released by her prayer flare lobbed to my side of the street. God challenged me to serve as His human jumper cable to help a fellow traveler stranded along the difficult road of life.

Samantha's pain and relationship struggles cracked open her front door to spiritual matters. Our conversations invited Samantha to bare her hurts to me—her imperfect, but forgiven neighbor. I understood El-Olam, the everlasting God, will never leave me, nor forsake me.

She didn't.

I realized El Roi, the God who sees, noticed when my life was hard or I’m hurting and lonely.

She didn't.

My neighbor needed His love, mercy, grace, and precious gift of salvation. The only healing jolt to jumpstart the dead battery of her drained soul? 

Jesus.

Scoti Springfield Domeij writes a monthly solo-parenting column in Colorado Springs Kids. The Mommy Diaries: Finding Yourself in the Daily Adventures includes her solo-parenting essay "Who Will Protect Us?" She coauthored Wrong Way, Jonah with Kay Arthur and has been published in The New York Times, Contemporary Christian Music, Southwest Art, Single Adult Ministry Journal, Focus on the Family Magazine, and other parenting magazines. Scoti blogs at The Writing Road. She's a confirmed "dark chocolate-thrift shop-web researchaholic."

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Scoti Springfield Domeij writes a monthly solo-parenting column in Colorado Springs Kids. The Mommy Diaries: Finding Yourself in the Daily Adventures includes her solo-parenting essay "Who Will Protect Us?" She coauthored Wrong Way, Jonah with Kay Arthur and has been published in The New York Times, Contemporary Christian Music, Southwest Art, Single Adult Ministry Journal, Focus on the Family Magazine, and other parenting magazines. Scoti blogs at The Writing Road. She's a confirmed "dark chocolate-thrift shop-web researchaholic."

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When Doing Justly, Loving Mercy, and Walking Humbly Stand at Odds

If your compassion far exceeds your capacity, here’s one way you can be sure to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly.

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One of my life verses is Micah 6:8, “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”

It is one of my favorite verses because my heart has been so moved by the love Jesus has for me and the sacrifice He made for me that I am grateful to have a way to express my gratitude through acts of justice and mercy while walking humbly with God.

I have found at times, however, the call to do justice and love mercy come in conflict with the call to walk humbly with God. For me, one of the ways to walk humbly with God is to recognize my limitations. I have to put skin to the fact that I am not God which means saying, “no” to ministry requests. It means going to sleep when I could be spending time advocating for the harrowed and helpless in the world. It means limited seats at my table, limited funds in my bank account, and limited energy in my body cannot be ignored but respected and adhered to.

This is hard for me at times, especially when I scroll my Facebook feed and see friends who are caring for their really sick children, spouse, or other family member all while millions of refugees flee war torn countries and babies are slaughtered by the hundreds each day in our country through the abortion industry.

As I scroll, I receive texts about one family member’s surgery gone wrong and another family member announcing a new baby is on the way. I have in mind my neighbor who has inpatient surgery scheduled this week and another neighbor who is trying to hold down a full-time job, care for twins all while battling profound “morning” sickness.

Folks at church are fighting for their lives in physical and spiritual ways, and strangers who pass me on the road are clearly battling something as demonstrated by their impatient honking because I won’t take a right turn on red. I want to meet the needs of all; I want to do justice and love mercy, but I’m daily confronted by the fact that I am so limited.

What am I to do when doing justly and/or loving mercy seem to come in conflict with walking humbly with my God?

God keeps bringing me to this answer: prayer.

God invites us to cast our cares before Him because He cares for us.
God tells us to be anxious for nothing BUT WITH PRAYER present our requests before Him.
God commands us to pray without ceasing.

And, when I walk humbly with God, I see the immense kindness in His command.
He gives us a way to do justly, love mercy WHILE walking humbly with Him.
It is by praying without ceasing.

I cannot take a meal or give money to every sick person or family I know. I cannot extend kindness to all my neighbors all at the same time they’re in need nor conjure up sustainable solutions for the refugee crisis and contact all the necessary world powers to make it happen.

I cannot heal all, but I know the Healer.

I cannot provide for all the needs, but I know the Provider.

I cannot rescue everyone in need, but I know the Rescuer.

I cannot comfort all the broken, but I know the Comforter.

I cannot speak peace over every situation, but I know the Prince of Peace.

I cannot be all to all, but I can go to the Great I Am through prayer, lay all the people, problems and pleas for help before the Omniscient and Omnipresent God of all Creation.

I can do this through prayer.

Recently, via an Instagram contest of all things, I came upon A–Z prayer cards designed by blogger/author/speaker, Amelia Rhodes. It is a simple concept packed with a powerful prayer punch. It has served me personally in this tension of wanting to do far more than I practically can do. It provides prayer prompts starting with each letter of the alphabet along with a scripture that coincides with the prayer focus. It ranges from Adoption to a creative “Zero Prejudice” for the letter “Z.”

The cards are well thought out, color printed on sturdy cardstock with blank lines for the user to write in the names of people and/or organizations that are personal to them.

If, like me, your compassion far exceeds your capacity, pick up a set of these prayer cards and unload your burdens onto a God whose competence matches His kindness, both boundless.

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Facing Our Fears in Motherhood

Do you have fears tied to motherhood? If so, here’s encouragement for you.

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“Are you scared?”

I was taken aback by his question. Scared? Of what?

“Of anything,” he answered.

I had just shared my due date with a new class of trainees.

“He has three boys,” another new hire volunteered. So fear is to be expected, I reasoned. I’m just about to face the most frightening experience in my life.

Of course I was scared.

I was scared…

  • I’ll lose my temper.
  • I’ll whine about sleepless nights.
  • I’ll breastfeed too often or not often enough.
  • I’ll leave piles of unfolded onesies in the middle of the nursery floor because I’m too tired (or lazy?) to fold teeny-tiny baby clothes for the upteenth time.
  • I’ll go with disposable diapers when the better choice would be cloth.
  • I’ll work too many long hours at the office and miss precious moments with her.
  • I’ll sign her up for too many activities and push her to become Miss Achieve-It-All.
  • I’ll pass on to her my ugly pride, self-righteousness, and perfectionism like a dreadful contagious disease.
  • I’ll miss countless little joys in life while pursuing worthless dreams.

Facing Our Fears in MotherhoodIn short… I was afraid I was going to fail miserably as a parent.

And now, holding my second-born daughter in my arms, thinking back on that brief exchange just a few years ago, I realize those fears were well-founded. I’ve failed many times. I’ve lost my temper. I’ve raised my voice. I’ve worked too much and played too little. I’ve seen my own sinfulness reflected in my daughter.

Yes, I’ve failed, but over and above it all, God’s grace has covered my parenting imperfections and made me run to the cross day after day. The writer of Proverbs puts it this way:

Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.
Proverbs 14:26

When it comes to fears, we have two choices: Will we fear the unknown or will we fear the Lord? Will we allow the uncertain to grip us in its clutch or will we turn to God’s Truth to set us free?

Scared? Oh yeah. There was so much to be scared of that day. And even now, if I’m completely honest, there are still fears nibbling at the edges of my consciousness. Fear that we won’t outgrow the temper tantrums. Fear that the two girls won’t get along. Fear that I’ll mess them up and cause them interminable hours on a psychologist’s couch.

I’m sure you have fears, too.

But rather than allow those fears to consume and paralyze us, we can take them to the Lord, acknowledging His sovereignty over our parenting, pleading His grace over our mistakes, and entrusting His provision over their futures. He is not only able to handle it all — He is far more capable to be trusted with it all.

If I say one thing to that frightened 9-month-pregnant me standing in that room years ago, I would say this: Don’t let fear rob today’s joy with tomorrow’s unknowns. Each day has enough worries of its own (Matthew 6:34).

Instead, let us keep seeking God, running to Him as our secure fortress and resting in the knowledge that He will care for us and our children one day at a time.

What are you scared of today? Name your fears and bring them to the Lord, allowing Him to replace them with His peace that passes all understanding.

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He Gives Shade To The Weary

If anxiety is a struggle for you right now, remember that He gives shade to the weary.

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Do you ever have those moments of fear because you don’t know what lies ahead? When do those thoughts tend to happen to you?

For me, most of those thoughts happen when I lay my head down to sleep at night. The vulnerability comes forth every time. That’s what happened the other night to me. I shut my eyes and immediately anxiety welled up inside me.

What if we don’t succeed in this new venture? What if we have to move? What if we can’t pay our bills?

I laid there with the covers drawn tight over my head (I still think that I am safer if the covers are over my head), praying scripture over my anxious heart. Assuring myself that God sees me and that He cares.

In the morning, I turned to Isaiah 41, specifically verses 10-20.

“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10, NASB)

Yesterday, the “what if’s” piled up as I anxiously looked about me. My daughter needs tutoring, however at this point in life, tutoring feels like a luxury we can’t afford. So I listed some items online to sell hoping to make just enough to cover the tutoring. I’m buying groceries on a Visa reward card. I’m holding my breath until the next paycheck comes. But what did God speak over me: Do not fear. Do not look anxiously about you.

“For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.’ Do not fear, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel; I will help you,” declares the Lord, “and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.” (Isaiah 41:13-14 NASB)

Why shouldn’t I be anxious? Because God will hold me up. God will help me. When I first read the word “worm” as a description, I took it as a slam against Israel. Like, gesh, God. What animal does He relate me to? But through further study, He calls them a worm because worms are helpless. They are viewed as insignificant, despised and weak. God will help me — seemingly insignificant, helpless me — because He is my Redeemer. He is my go’el — my next of kin. The Redeemer is the one who provides for all my needs. Rent. Car payment. Credit card bill. Gas. Food. Clothes. Debt. God will redeem.

He Gives Shade to the Weary

“Behold, I have made you a new, sharp threshing sledge with double edges; You will thresh the mountains and pulverize them, And will make the hills like chaff. You will winnow them, and the wind will carry them away, And the storm will scatter them; But you will rejoice in the Lord, You will glory in the Holy One of Israel.” (Isaiah 41:15-16 NASB).

God is transforming me from a helpless one to a powerful one. The description of that type of threshing sledge is like a modern day earth mover. Powerful. Strong. Immovable.

“The afflicted and needy are seeking water, but there is none, And their tongue is parched with thirst; I, the Lord, will answer them Myself, As the God of Israel I will not forsake them.” (Isaiah 41:17, NASB)

He will come to our rescue. God, Himself, will answer you and me. Can you hear how personal that sounds? Have you ever pleaded with someone important whether your boss, public figure, or even a parent, and they responded to the need themselves? You expected for them to send their assistant, but instead they — the most important one — responded to you.

“I will open rivers on the bare heights And springs in the midst of the valleys; I will make the wilderness a pool of water And the dry land fountains of water. I will put the cedar in the wilderness, The acacia and the myrtle and the olive tree; I will place the juniper in the desert Together with the box tree and the cypress.” (Isaiah 41:18-19, NASB)

This passage describes the wilderness-like times in life. You are barren. You are thirsty. You are hot. You are in need. God will provide what you need. God will quench your thirst. He will provide shade when you are weary. During those times, God can provide in creative, innovative ways. He can provide something out of nothing. Doesn’t that give you great hope? Even when you can’t answer how He will do it, He is creative enough to figure it out even when the odds are stacked against you.

“That they may see and recognize, And consider and gain insight as well, That the hand of the Lord has done this, And the Holy One of Israel has created it.” (Isaiah 41:20 NASB).

God will do all of this so that His glory will be put on display. People — including yourself — will see that He is powerful.

So you can see how after a night of wrestling with fear and anxiety, reading this was like shade and water for my soul. God is a god who sees. And God is a god who acts on your behalf.

What do you need His help with today? What are you fearful about today? What keeps you awake at night? Where do you need some shade?

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Hi, I'm Ashleigh Slater, founder and editor of Ungrind. Here at Ungrind, it’s our goal to churn out biblically-based encouragement for women. We strive to be honest and transparent about our struggles in a way that inspires hope, faith, and perseverance.

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Operation Jumpstart

by Scoti Springfield Domeij time to read: 5 min
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