The Superwoman Syndrome: An Interview with Michele Mollkoy

Most days, I wake up with the idea that being Superwoman is an option. You know, a woman who has it all together in her home, work, and relationships. She has hobbies, a fabulous body (without working out, of course), and though she is busy she still has time to sit and reflect on her life while getting a manicure on the weekend.

Suffice it to say, that’s not me at all! There are some days when I have no idea where time went and my to-do list ends up being three times longer than when the day started. There are days when I don’t have time to cook so I’m left to microwave-meals, and there are other days when I don’t get to sleep enough because there’s just too much that needs to get done.

The part of Superwoman I have down is the busy part. The part that I’m missing is the time to reflect and rest.

When I first volunteered to write on the topic of rest, my first thought was, Oh no, what did I do? I simply cannot write about rest because it’s not even a word in my vocabulary. I rarely do it.

Then, I reminded myself that Superwoman doesn’t exist.

There is one woman who came to my mind, though, who is a “super” woman. Her name is Michele Mollkoy. She wears a plethora of hats during an average week, including being a wife, mother, working woman, and life coach. Michele happens to be my life coach, and as our relationship has developed my respect for her has skyrocketed. Her life is an inspiration to me because she’s a woman who knows the definition of busy but she creates time to value and practice the discipline of rest.

I hope you enjoy getting to know Michele. In my book, she’s a hero.

Michele, the term “rest” is a broad term. What does rest mean to you personally?

For me, rest means to give up control and experience God’s presence. I experience rest most often when I keep the Sabbath. I know there are lots of other practices and techniques that work for other people, but for me having a rhythm of work and rest is best. Sometimes, rest for me also means practicing some forms of spiritual disciplines.

For example, sometimes I’ll fast from TV or social networking or shopping. Or, I’ll practice hourly prayer, or read a certain passage every day for a certain period of time. Just hanging out with family at home with no real agenda can be incredibly life-giving.

Is finding time to rest or take a Sabbath a challenge?

Yes, at times. I think our western culture, as well as the fact that I love my work, makes it hard to take a break. It’s always hard to sit in discomfort, which is what rest and stillness have become in our society. It’s difficult to face the inner questions that come up, unbidden, when I am still. It’s scary to ask — and answer — questions like why I don’t want to slow down, why I want to perform instead of sit back, what I am afraid of, what needs I am seeking to fill. The good news is that God is not distracted by the things that distract me.

What are some of the things that distract you from resting? (Guilt? Kids? Church work?)

Well, I actually think that those things (guilt, kids, church) can just as well drive me to rest. Those things make me tired!

I’m not really a fan of putting things in “all bad” or “all good’ categories — like rest is all good and too much work is all bad. For me, sometimes there are seasons where I work more, and rest less, and others where I will rest more and work less. Sometimes being with my kids refreshes and enriches me, and other times they wear me out so thoroughly that I doubt I can even make it to my bed. Also sometimes church involvement energizes me, and other times it drains me beyond belief. To assume certain things will always center me or draw me closer to God would not be accurate.

It helps me to remember that God is not anti-busyness. He doesn’t want us all to sit around and self-monitor our actions all day long. God is not anti-doing. He is “anti-activity-without-intention.” And, we are usually more intentional when we are rested.

How is your spirituality affected (or how does it affect) your idea of rest?

It helps me to remember that observing the Sabbath is both a gift and a command. I’m a driven, goal-oriented, high-achieving woman, and I’m committed to wisely stewarding the gifts God has given me. I won’t stop working unless I have to, so when I think of the Sabbath commandment compared to other things God did to teach His children to obey Him, I feel like God is being very gentle! It would be a bummer if we had plagues of locusts or boils every time we didn’t rest.

When I am resting in God, I am reminded that He is my most important audience. And He loves and cares for me just as much when I am burned out and exhausted and not achieving as He does when I am at my best. The more deeply this truth sinks into me, the better my connection and example.

What does it mean to allow your spirit to rest?

I can tell you what it does NOT mean to me. It does not mean forced confinement, not spending money or doing laundry on Sunday, or forcing myself to sit on my hands. It means believing that all of God’s commands are about freedom, so obeying God by resting/keeping the Sabbath must help keep me free. In Deuteronomy 5:15, the Hebrews were commanded to keep the Sabbath as a way to remember the fact that they had been freed from slavery in Egypt. So today, for me to allow my spirit to rest means that I remember that I am not a slave to my work, to the demands of others, or even to my own desires. I belong to God, which means I’m free. It means choosing to settle my heart down — despite the fear — into the arms of my safest friend, and being known and loved for who I am, rather than merely what I produce. In this way, rest saves me from myself.

How do you live a life that incorporates rest, productivity, and healthy spirituality? What does a healthy balance look like for you?

Personally, I think balance is way overrated. I don’t think Jesus came to give me a more balanced life. I think He came to offer me a full life– a life of relationships, experiences, struggles, and opportunities that will challenge me and stimulate me, bringing out the best God put in me. I believe that practicing Matthew 6:33 involves doing whatever God is urging me to do at the moment. Sometimes I’ll be tired, and sometimes I’ll rest. But my goal is not to have a life that looks like a pie chart with equally weighted quadrants. My goal is to listen to His voice and to obey it in each moment. And in the end, to be found faithful.

Any practical tips for other women who struggle to find rest?

I would encourage all of us to beware of holding ourselves to an unrealistic standard or example of what rest “should” look like. Whether you work full time outside of your home, or whether your kids are school-age or still at home, God wants you to know His rest. He is not limited to only 12 approved ways to meet with you — on the contrary, He welcomes me even when I return to Him in shame after spending all of my inheritance. What’s most important to Him is that we come, period. God is not the one with the hang-ups about rest. We are.

For more information or to contact Michele, you can visit her website, The MOXY Project.