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Capable Arms: A Mother’s Story

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For the last year I’ve walked the decks of a ship that now rests two miles down at the bottom of the ocean. The passengers of the Titanic seem more like friends than people from the past. I suppose that’s what fiction does. Within the pages of a book you have a chance to live a different life, in a different era … especially if you’re the writer.

I think about those last moments during the sinking of the Titanic when husbands stood bravely by and boarded their wives and children onto lifeboats. I think about mothers who passed their children on to others, begging strangers to give their children a chance at life.

I especially consider this last thought. I try to imagine what it was like for Winnie Troutt. She was a simple woman, working as a waitress and as domestic help when she was asked such a thing. Winnie was traveling to Auburndale, Massachusetts, to be with her sister who was nearing the end of her pregnancy. When Winnie set out from Southamption, she had thoughts of a baby — a niece or a nephew soon to be born. But it was another child thrust into her arms on April 15th, 1912.

“Please, Miss, won’t you save this child?”

I wonder what Winnie thought about as she clutched her toothbrush, prayer book, and 5-month-old child as the lifeboat rowed away from the sinking ship. Did she know the baby’s name? Did he cry for his mother? Her arms delivered Assad Thomas to safety. Maybe that was her ultimate purpose for that dreadful night. To press the baby’s cheek against her wildly pounding heart and protect him despite her fears.

I’ve thought of Winnie a lot. Maybe because a precious child was placed into my arms. A young mother longed for a good life for her child, and she chose John and I to adopt and raise her daughter. Although Winnie’s care for Assad only lasted until they were rescued by the Carpathia, John and I stood before a judge and promised to care for our new daughter Alyssa for life. The weight of the responsibility strikes me at times. The sacrifice of another mother does, too. I pray for God’s wisdom and strength as I hold my daughter next to my beating heart. I pray that I can give all that was expected — even more.

I don’t take my role lightly. And I’ll always be grateful to realize that sometimes true love is handing an innocent baby into what you believe are capable arms.

True love considers what can be given … and sometimes you receive a precious gift in the process.

Enter Our Giveaway!

We have a copy of Tricia’s historical novel By the Light of the Silvery Moon to give away. To enter for a chance to win it, leave a comment. We’ll choose a winner using Random.org’s Integer Generator.

One additional entry can be earned for each of these:

  • Follow @ungrind on Twitter. Leave a comment to tell us you did.
  • Tweet about this contest and Tricia’s new book. Leave a comment to tell us you did.
  • “Like” this post on Facebook. Leave a comment to tell us you did.
  • “Like” our page on Facebook. Leave a comment to tell us you did.
  • Grab our Ungrind button from our sidebar and add it to your blog. Leave a comment with a link to your blog so we can visit.

This contest closes on Monday, April 16th, 2012, at 12 a.m. Our apologies to our international readers, but it’s only open to those residing in the United States.

This contest is now closed. We used Random.org’s Integer Generator to choose our winner. Congrats to Paige & Mark.

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Tricia Goyer is the author of twenty-six books including Beside Still Waters, The Swiss Courier, and the mommy memoir, Blue Like Play Dough. She won Historical Novel of the Year in 2005 and 2006 from ACFW, and was honored with the Writer of the Year award from Mt. Hermon Writer's Conference in 2003. Tricia's book Life Interrupted was a finalist for the Gold Medallion in 2005. In addition to her novels, Tricia writes non-fiction books and magazine articles for publications like MomSense and Thriving Family. Tricia is a regular speaker at conventions and conferences, and has been a workshop presenter at the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) International Conventions. She and her family make their home in Little Rock, Arkansas, where they are part of the ministry of FamilyLife. Visit www.triciagoyer.com for more about Tricia and her books.

27 Comments
  • Erin

    The book sounds great- I’d love to win!

  • Erin

    I follow on Twitter.

  • Erin

    I liked Ungrind.

  • Erin

    I liked this post.

  • I’d love to read Tricia’s book! I’ve been eyeing it for weeks at the bookstore. :) It looks fantastic!

  • Krystal D

    Sounds like a good book!

  • I actually just heard Winnie’s story last night on a special on the Titanic, so it was neat to hear it retold here and the application drawn by the author.

  • Debbie

    I like you on FB and get your emails just to be sure I don’t miss anything!

  • Debbie

    I ‘liked’ this post on FB.

  • Debbie

    I follow you on Twitter.

  • Debbie

    I tweeted the article!

  • Shannon

    Thank you!

  • paige & mark

    sounds like a great book

  • paige & mark

    follow on FB and liked

  • paige & mark

    follow on twitter

    • Congrats, you’ve won the copy of “By the Light of the Silvery Moon!” I’ll get an email out to you soon.

  • joanne

    thank you so much for this perspective.

    I too am an adoptive mother – twice. Although I never met either of my children’s birth mom’s, and never had the opportunity to literally receive from them, their gifts to me often send me into a reflective time of gratefulness.
    Reading your post has done the same.

    Thank you again.
    bless you

  • Incredible story. I can’t wait to read it too. Your personal testimony is near to my heart as well. Thanks for this post!

  • Followed ungrind on Twitter, happily!

  • I Tweeted. Although I’m having a hard time sharing this opportunity! :)

  • Oh good, I just figured out how to like on Fb.

  • I also liked ungrind on Facebook.

  • Mippy

    You words made me tear up. I have not been blessed to be a mother yet. I can’t imagine the love one would burst with. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I would love to read this book! Thank you for the chance! :)
    ~Mippy :)

  • Mippy

    Hi!
    I am now following Ungrid on Twitter :) (MippyFoofalina)

  • Mippy

    Hi!
    I tweeted
    https://twitter.com/#!/MippyFoofalina/status/191804003707928576
    thank you for the chance :)
    ~Mippy :)

  • Mippy

    Hi!
    I liked this on FB
    ~Mippy :)

  • Mippy

    Hi!
    I like you Facebook page :)
    ~Mippy :)

Articles

When Doing Justly, Loving Mercy, and Walking Humbly Stand at Odds

If your compassion far exceeds your capacity, here’s one way you can be sure to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly.

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One of my life verses is Micah 6:8, “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”

It is one of my favorite verses because my heart has been so moved by the love Jesus has for me and the sacrifice He made for me that I am grateful to have a way to express my gratitude through acts of justice and mercy while walking humbly with God.

I have found at times, however, the call to do justice and love mercy come in conflict with the call to walk humbly with God. For me, one of the ways to walk humbly with God is to recognize my limitations. I have to put skin to the fact that I am not God which means saying, “no” to ministry requests. It means going to sleep when I could be spending time advocating for the harrowed and helpless in the world. It means limited seats at my table, limited funds in my bank account, and limited energy in my body cannot be ignored but respected and adhered to.

This is hard for me at times, especially when I scroll my Facebook feed and see friends who are caring for their really sick children, spouse, or other family member all while millions of refugees flee war torn countries and babies are slaughtered by the hundreds each day in our country through the abortion industry.

As I scroll, I receive texts about one family member’s surgery gone wrong and another family member announcing a new baby is on the way. I have in mind my neighbor who has inpatient surgery scheduled this week and another neighbor who is trying to hold down a full-time job, care for twins all while battling profound “morning” sickness.

Folks at church are fighting for their lives in physical and spiritual ways, and strangers who pass me on the road are clearly battling something as demonstrated by their impatient honking because I won’t take a right turn on red. I want to meet the needs of all; I want to do justice and love mercy, but I’m daily confronted by the fact that I am so limited.

What am I to do when doing justly and/or loving mercy seem to come in conflict with walking humbly with my God?

God keeps bringing me to this answer: prayer.

God invites us to cast our cares before Him because He cares for us.
God tells us to be anxious for nothing BUT WITH PRAYER present our requests before Him.
God commands us to pray without ceasing.

And, when I walk humbly with God, I see the immense kindness in His command.
He gives us a way to do justly, love mercy WHILE walking humbly with Him.
It is by praying without ceasing.

I cannot take a meal or give money to every sick person or family I know. I cannot extend kindness to all my neighbors all at the same time they’re in need nor conjure up sustainable solutions for the refugee crisis and contact all the necessary world powers to make it happen.

I cannot heal all, but I know the Healer.

I cannot provide for all the needs, but I know the Provider.

I cannot rescue everyone in need, but I know the Rescuer.

I cannot comfort all the broken, but I know the Comforter.

I cannot speak peace over every situation, but I know the Prince of Peace.

I cannot be all to all, but I can go to the Great I Am through prayer, lay all the people, problems and pleas for help before the Omniscient and Omnipresent God of all Creation.

I can do this through prayer.

Recently, via an Instagram contest of all things, I came upon A–Z prayer cards designed by blogger/author/speaker, Amelia Rhodes. It is a simple concept packed with a powerful prayer punch. It has served me personally in this tension of wanting to do far more than I practically can do. It provides prayer prompts starting with each letter of the alphabet along with a scripture that coincides with the prayer focus. It ranges from Adoption to a creative “Zero Prejudice” for the letter “Z.”

The cards are well thought out, color printed on sturdy cardstock with blank lines for the user to write in the names of people and/or organizations that are personal to them.

If, like me, your compassion far exceeds your capacity, pick up a set of these prayer cards and unload your burdens onto a God whose competence matches His kindness, both boundless.

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Articles

Facing Our Fears in Motherhood

Do you have fears tied to motherhood? If so, here’s encouragement for you.

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“Are you scared?”

I was taken aback by his question. Scared? Of what?

“Of anything,” he answered.

I had just shared my due date with a new class of trainees.

“He has three boys,” another new hire volunteered. So fear is to be expected, I reasoned. I’m just about to face the most frightening experience in my life.

Of course I was scared.

I was scared…

  • I’ll lose my temper.
  • I’ll whine about sleepless nights.
  • I’ll breastfeed too often or not often enough.
  • I’ll leave piles of unfolded onesies in the middle of the nursery floor because I’m too tired (or lazy?) to fold teeny-tiny baby clothes for the upteenth time.
  • I’ll go with disposable diapers when the better choice would be cloth.
  • I’ll work too many long hours at the office and miss precious moments with her.
  • I’ll sign her up for too many activities and push her to become Miss Achieve-It-All.
  • I’ll pass on to her my ugly pride, self-righteousness, and perfectionism like a dreadful contagious disease.
  • I’ll miss countless little joys in life while pursuing worthless dreams.

Facing Our Fears in MotherhoodIn short… I was afraid I was going to fail miserably as a parent.

And now, holding my second-born daughter in my arms, thinking back on that brief exchange just a few years ago, I realize those fears were well-founded. I’ve failed many times. I’ve lost my temper. I’ve raised my voice. I’ve worked too much and played too little. I’ve seen my own sinfulness reflected in my daughter.

Yes, I’ve failed, but over and above it all, God’s grace has covered my parenting imperfections and made me run to the cross day after day. The writer of Proverbs puts it this way:

Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.
Proverbs 14:26

When it comes to fears, we have two choices: Will we fear the unknown or will we fear the Lord? Will we allow the uncertain to grip us in its clutch or will we turn to God’s Truth to set us free?

Scared? Oh yeah. There was so much to be scared of that day. And even now, if I’m completely honest, there are still fears nibbling at the edges of my consciousness. Fear that we won’t outgrow the temper tantrums. Fear that the two girls won’t get along. Fear that I’ll mess them up and cause them interminable hours on a psychologist’s couch.

I’m sure you have fears, too.

But rather than allow those fears to consume and paralyze us, we can take them to the Lord, acknowledging His sovereignty over our parenting, pleading His grace over our mistakes, and entrusting His provision over their futures. He is not only able to handle it all — He is far more capable to be trusted with it all.

If I say one thing to that frightened 9-month-pregnant me standing in that room years ago, I would say this: Don’t let fear rob today’s joy with tomorrow’s unknowns. Each day has enough worries of its own (Matthew 6:34).

Instead, let us keep seeking God, running to Him as our secure fortress and resting in the knowledge that He will care for us and our children one day at a time.

What are you scared of today? Name your fears and bring them to the Lord, allowing Him to replace them with His peace that passes all understanding.

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Articles

He Gives Shade To The Weary

If anxiety is a struggle for you right now, remember that He gives shade to the weary.

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Do you ever have those moments of fear because you don’t know what lies ahead? When do those thoughts tend to happen to you?

For me, most of those thoughts happen when I lay my head down to sleep at night. The vulnerability comes forth every time. That’s what happened the other night to me. I shut my eyes and immediately anxiety welled up inside me.

What if we don’t succeed in this new venture? What if we have to move? What if we can’t pay our bills?

I laid there with the covers drawn tight over my head (I still think that I am safer if the covers are over my head), praying scripture over my anxious heart. Assuring myself that God sees me and that He cares.

In the morning, I turned to Isaiah 41, specifically verses 10-20.

“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10, NASB)

Yesterday, the “what if’s” piled up as I anxiously looked about me. My daughter needs tutoring, however at this point in life, tutoring feels like a luxury we can’t afford. So I listed some items online to sell hoping to make just enough to cover the tutoring. I’m buying groceries on a Visa reward card. I’m holding my breath until the next paycheck comes. But what did God speak over me: Do not fear. Do not look anxiously about you.

“For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.’ Do not fear, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel; I will help you,” declares the Lord, “and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.” (Isaiah 41:13-14 NASB)

Why shouldn’t I be anxious? Because God will hold me up. God will help me. When I first read the word “worm” as a description, I took it as a slam against Israel. Like, gesh, God. What animal does He relate me to? But through further study, He calls them a worm because worms are helpless. They are viewed as insignificant, despised and weak. God will help me — seemingly insignificant, helpless me — because He is my Redeemer. He is my go’el — my next of kin. The Redeemer is the one who provides for all my needs. Rent. Car payment. Credit card bill. Gas. Food. Clothes. Debt. God will redeem.

He Gives Shade to the Weary

“Behold, I have made you a new, sharp threshing sledge with double edges; You will thresh the mountains and pulverize them, And will make the hills like chaff. You will winnow them, and the wind will carry them away, And the storm will scatter them; But you will rejoice in the Lord, You will glory in the Holy One of Israel.” (Isaiah 41:15-16 NASB).

God is transforming me from a helpless one to a powerful one. The description of that type of threshing sledge is like a modern day earth mover. Powerful. Strong. Immovable.

“The afflicted and needy are seeking water, but there is none, And their tongue is parched with thirst; I, the Lord, will answer them Myself, As the God of Israel I will not forsake them.” (Isaiah 41:17, NASB)

He will come to our rescue. God, Himself, will answer you and me. Can you hear how personal that sounds? Have you ever pleaded with someone important whether your boss, public figure, or even a parent, and they responded to the need themselves? You expected for them to send their assistant, but instead they — the most important one — responded to you.

“I will open rivers on the bare heights And springs in the midst of the valleys; I will make the wilderness a pool of water And the dry land fountains of water. I will put the cedar in the wilderness, The acacia and the myrtle and the olive tree; I will place the juniper in the desert Together with the box tree and the cypress.” (Isaiah 41:18-19, NASB)

This passage describes the wilderness-like times in life. You are barren. You are thirsty. You are hot. You are in need. God will provide what you need. God will quench your thirst. He will provide shade when you are weary. During those times, God can provide in creative, innovative ways. He can provide something out of nothing. Doesn’t that give you great hope? Even when you can’t answer how He will do it, He is creative enough to figure it out even when the odds are stacked against you.

“That they may see and recognize, And consider and gain insight as well, That the hand of the Lord has done this, And the Holy One of Israel has created it.” (Isaiah 41:20 NASB).

God will do all of this so that His glory will be put on display. People — including yourself — will see that He is powerful.

So you can see how after a night of wrestling with fear and anxiety, reading this was like shade and water for my soul. God is a god who sees. And God is a god who acts on your behalf.

What do you need His help with today? What are you fearful about today? What keeps you awake at night? Where do you need some shade?

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Hi, I'm Ashleigh Slater, founder and editor of Ungrind. Here at Ungrind, it’s our goal to churn out biblically-based encouragement for women. We strive to be honest and transparent about our struggles in a way that inspires hope, faith, and perseverance.

As you read, we hope you consider us friends, the kind you feel comfortable sitting across the table with at the local coffee shop. You can read more about me HERE and our team of writers HERE.

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Capable Arms: A Mother’s Story

by Tricia Goyer time to read: 2 min
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