4 Reasons I’m Not Facebook Friends With My Husband


My husband, Philip, and I have been married a long time, so family and friends might be surprised to discover that we’re not Facebook friends.

Sure, he’s sent the friend request and I include him in posts on my Facebook timeline, but I haven’t accepted the request. And in case people are wondering, I feel confident that it’s not a sin to ignore your husband’s Facebook friend request.

We’re still happily married, talk in person, on the phone, and via text, but when it comes to Facebook, we’re just friends of friends.

Additionally, if some family or friends are concerned, they don’t need to be because being married a long time affords me the freedom to not accept his friend request.


Below are four reasons for my not accepting my husband’s Facebook friend request.

Reason #1

As a writer and editor, seeing my husband’s post will just make me want to jump in and edit his comments. I’m pretty sure God hasn’t assigned me to be his online editor.

Some might see it as helping him, but I’m not sure my motives would always be right and it might actually be a way of my censoring his comments because some might make me personally cringe.

1 Peter 5:6-7 advises me to humble myself before God … and cast my anxiety on Him because He cares for me. So trusting Him to guide my husband’s Facebook comments instead of stepping in and trying to manage them myself, is one way for me to humble myself before God and trust Him.

Reason #2

When Philip was senior pastor at a church, congregants would often approach me to tell me to tell him what topics to preach about in his weekly sermons. Well, this didn’t work with me. I have enough of the fear of God in my life to respect God’s calling on his life.

Often though, I would hear topics we had discussed at home come up in sermons, but not because I told him to talk about it, but because God often works through a wife to speak to her husband. And if what we had discussed showed up in his sermons, I knew it was because God was leading him to talk about it and not because his wife was trying to put words in his mouth at the pulpit.

Reason #3

We often don’t have the same way of communicating or use the same types of words in expressing ourselves. To me, his language can sometimes come across guy-like and rough, causing me to flinch. However, I realize that there are people in the world who will resonate more with his words than mine, so I resist the temptation to try and control how he states things.

Reason #4

Believe it or not, my reasons for not accepting his friend request are based much more on my weaknesses as a spouse than his, and more for his overall well-being than mine. Ephesians 5:33 encourages a wife to respect her own husband, so this is one practical way I live it out in our marriage, understanding that God created my husband to be who He is and gives him the freedom to express who he is as he chooses. So who am I then to try and dictate his online presence?


Lest any loved ones are still worried because I don’t “like” his posts or make comments, there’s no need for concern. My husband makes me a cappuccino every morning, kisses me goodbye before work each day, fills my car up with gas even though I’m quite capable of doing it myself, and so much more.

As a married couple, not friending my husband on Facebook is working at our house, and we’re sticking to it.

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Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters and serves as associate editor of Ungrind. Her writing has been published in numerous publications including Focus on the Family Magazine, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, KirkCameron.com, Start Marriage Right, Growthrac, and more! She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University with experience in broadcast media and also serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.

  • Megan

    This is odd. You can still do all of the above and be fb friends. This is one of the oddest things I have ever heard.

  • Megan

    I want to further clarify why I find this odd. I actually find it detrimental to your husbands reputation. You are so concerned that you are going to critique or comment on his postings to correct him etc. That shows that you have a critical spirit towards your husband. Although as wives we all can be critical of our husbands, you have now said to the world you are so critical of him that you cannot even be FB friends. I still cannot wrap my brain around this. It looks bad for him as a pastor. That the pastor is so flawed even his wife can’t be FB friends with him.

    • Brie

      We can all be critical towards our husbands. This is a brilliant way to avoid an aspect of that negativity. 2 Timothy 2:22 says to flee from evil desires.. not facebook friend it and rub it in your face every time you open the app and scroll through your feed. Just because actual text online, that could be grammatically incorrect, isn’t a stumbling block for you does not mean that it doesn’t bother her. You don’t know her heart. Jesus does, and He doesn’t care if you think it’s odd or not. She is striving to please Him. Social media wasn’t designed for you and the person you live with, sleep with, eat with and socialize with daily anyways.

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4 Reasons I’m Not Facebook Friends With My Husband

by Lynette Kittle time to read: 3 min