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Ask Arlene: Lessons in Beauty



Hi Arlene!

What kind of advice would you offer a mother who wants to teach her daughter the importance of being beautiful on the inside and the outside? I know this starts young and I don’t want her to believe that only the “Barbie” type girls are beautiful — but I do want her to take pride in her appearance.


Dear Beth,

If you have a daughter, she is watching you carefully. She is absorbing your attitudes, words, and habits regarding beauty and self-esteem. This can be scary or wonderful — depending on what she is catching!

The best advice I can give a mom about teaching beauty to her daughter is to model what it’s like to be beautiful inside and out. This means you are content with your appearance. You don’t look in the mirror and belittle yourself. You’re at peace with your hair, legs, and funny birthmark — regardless of the shapes and sizes involved. You know you were created by God and He doesn’t make junk. You also know that you have a responsibility to take good care of yourself. That’s why you do your best to eat healthy, exercise regularly, and even try new beauty techniques from makeup to wardrobe makeovers. You want to be a living example of what it looks like to be the daughter of the King.

Tell your daughter that beauty isn’t about having a certain hair color or dress size. Ask her who she knows that looks like Barbie. That should be a short list — ha! Then point out her other friends who don’t look like Barbie but who are beautiful.

Tell your daughter that if she’ll just remember to (1) do her best with her appearance and (2) do the right things to honor God in life, she will be a true beauty!


In her monthly column, “Ask Arlene,” author and speaker Arlene Pellicane answers readers’ questions. If you have a question you’d like her to consider for this column, submit a question here.

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Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom and 31 Days to a Happy Husband. She is also the co-author of Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World (with Gary Chapman). She has been a featured guest on The Today Show, Fox & Friends, Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, The 700 Club, and Turning Point with Dr. David Jeremiah. Arlene lives in the San Diego area with her husband James and their three children. To learn more and for free family resources such as a monthly Happy Home podcast, visit

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Ask Arlene: Lessons in Beauty

by Arlene Pellicane time to read: 2 min