I was fairly certain that Ted, my husband of a mere 56 days, had just called me fat.
Okay, maybe not in so many words. But rather than soothe the insecurity I’d expressed to him about the 10 pounds I’d gained since our wedding, he did the unthinkable. He dared to travel the road most seasoned husbands know better than to even set foot on.
His exact words?
“Well, maybe you need to change your diet.”
And to make matters worse, he uttered this suggestion on Valentine’s Day. A day I’d hoped would be a sweet one, ended up being a very sour one indeed.
Yep, our first V-Day as husband and wife is recorded in our marital history book as our worst. By far.
Looking back, though, I see that Ted’s proverbial foot in the mouth didn’t have to spoil that particular February 14th. A fight didn’t need to follow. If I had chosen to react differently to Ted’s words, we could have rescued that day gone wrong.
How Reactions Help Rescue a Day Gone Wrong
My reactions aren’t just important on Valentine’s Day, though. How I respond to Ted’s words and actions on any day — whether it’s an anniversary, a birthday, or a normal, average weekday morning — makes a difference in the day-to-day of our relationship.
I’d guess it’s the same for you in your marriage. And not just for wives like me, but for husbands like Ted, too. Because let’s face it, men aren’t the only ones who choose their words poorly at times. We women are equally guilty.
So how could I have rescued that day from going wrong? Here are two things I now do differently to rescue—and even prevent—a day gone wrong.
2 Ways to Rescue a Day Gone Wrong
1. Believe the Best
Often the things I’m offended by aren’t things Ted intends as offensive.
Take his comment about my diet. His subtext wasn’t, “Yeah, you sure are fat,” even though that’s what I heard. The truth was that, as an eager new husband, Ted wanted to see me happy. My extra poundage was making me unhappy. In his mind, my complaint translated to, “Please fix the problem.”
If I’d stopped to consider that my Mr. Fix-It Man was trying to be helpful, not hurtful, I could have interpreted his words through the proper filter and determined not to be offended.
2. Extend Grace
An offense doesn’t leave room for grace. When I’m operating in hurt and indignation — like I was that day — I don’t give Ted the benefit of the doubt. But imagine if I had.
Our Valentine’s Day could have gone well if I’d reminded myself that he was still new to this husband thing. That, as it is for all of us, learning to be a good spouse is a process of trial and error. Patience and grace, rather anger, would have been a gentler way to help him understand that most of the time I don’t want a quick fix.
Rescue One Day at a Time
Seventeen years later, Ted is now a member in good standing in the Seasoned Husbands Club. Well, for the most part. He at least knows better than to suggest a change in my diet, that is, not without offering to change his too.
And in those moments when he does still choose his words poorly, I’m a whole lot quicker to dismiss offense and embrace grace. Thankfully, he does the same for me in my not-so-great-moments.
As a result, many a day-off-to-a-rough-start has been salvaged over the years. I hope you can say the same. If not, maybe today can be your first of many.
Welcome to Ungrind!
Do you want to be inspired, motivated, and equipped to live the everyday story of your life well?
If so, you’re in the right place. Whether you need encouragement in your relationships or in your faith, I hope you’ll find the transparent voices of mentors and friends here at Ungrind.
So, grab a cup of coffee and keep reading. We're so glad you're here!
Ashleigh Slater, Founder & Managing Editor
Get Our Free Ebook!
To Those Who Want To Be Truly Happy: Stop Chasing Happiness
Chasing happiness isn't all it's cracked up to be. Here are a few reasons why.
How the Psalms Speak to Our Emotions
The Psalms is a book that's rich with the reality of what life's like in this fallen world. Here are...
3 Ways to Navigate Personality Differences
Sometimes personality differences can wear on us. Here are three ways we can navigate them in a loving manner.
Surprised By ‘A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood’
If you haven't seen this film, God may speak to your heart through it in ways you weren't expecting.
The Wedding Ring
Are you struggling in your marriage? Here's how a wedding ring helped one wife fight for her marriage.
5 Ways to Live an Out-of-Control Life
Here are 5 ways to let go of control and trust your present and your future to God.
5 Creative Places to Find Prayer Accountability
Do you want to pray more, but are easily distracted? Here are some practical ways to stay focused.
What Women Are Saying
-- Sarah Martin, author of Stress Point: Thriving Through Your Twenties in a Decade of Drama
"Real life is not always pleasant. Every marriage experiences disappointments, misunderstandings, sickness and financial crisis. Ashleigh doesn’t camouflage the pain in her own marriage, and offers practical ideas on how to walk through the difficulties and find intimacy on the journey. If you are anything like me, I predict that as you read, you too will find yourself laughing, wiping tears, and saying 'Oh, yes.'"
-- Gary Chapman, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages
We are a member of the Amazon affiliate program and regularly use affiliate links. If you purchase an item from an Amazon link we provide, we will receive a small referral commission. This doesn’t cost you anything additional. We only share books, music, and products that our writers personally have used and highly recommend.
Faith4 years ago
When Doing Justly, Loving Mercy, and Walking Humbly Stand at Odds
Motherhood4 years ago
Surviving a Strong-Willed Child
Faith5 years ago
7 Ways to Create A Family Altar
Friendship6 years ago
Beyond the Registry: The Ultimate Gift Guide for Expectant Parents
Relationships6 months ago
5 Ways to Teach Your Child to Hear God
Marriage6 years ago
4 Reasons I’m Not Facebook Friends With My Husband
Everyday Faith5 years ago
6 Simple Ways to Give Thanks in the Thick of It
Articles5 years ago
10 Ways Life is Like a Box of Chocolates
Articles7 years ago
How to Lift Up the One You Love
Articles5 years ago
Relationships11 months ago
Facing Our Motherhood Fears
Digging Into Scripture3 months ago
How the Psalms Speak to Our Emotions