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Surviving a Strong-Willed Child

Four ways to survive a strong-willed child.



Have you ever told a story about one of your children and, while talking, you feel like the only one in the room who knows what it’s like to raise this type of human?

People look at you with perplexed looks. You are left standing there feeling like the only one in history to struggle through parenting.

Your kid never throws themselves on the sidewalk as if their limbs no longer can support their body weight, all the while screaming like you are hurting them. Yea, mine have never done that either (insert sarcasm).

Sometimes its easy to look around at the other moms running this race with us and think that it just comes easy to them. They seem to enjoy every single moment (even the hard, smelly moments). They enjoy it so much so that they continue to have more children which can easily make me feel like I am really not cut out for this since I can barely handle (and enjoy) the two I have.

My first child out the gate has wreaked havoc on me since the the womb — emotionally, mentality, spiritually, physically — and while I recognize that being strong and determined are fantastic characteristics for an adult, it certainly doesn’t make it easy to parent them as a child. I don’t think anyone can really be prepared for what is in store when they first read the results of a positive pregnancy test. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

My girl was determined even from the beginning. I just knew she would be the first child in history to remain in the womb forever. After a week past her due date, we scheduled an induction. However, the hospital cancelled it because there were no rooms available. I’m pretty sure she paid off the hospital staff. When we finally made it to the hospital, the delivery ended up in an emergency c-section because they discovered she was breech — she refused to turn the right way. Determination. When the doctor pulled her from the womb, my daughter was literally chewing on the umbilical cord cutting off the very life support that I gave her. Some things haven’t changed.

Surviving a Strong-Willed ChildAs an infant, she screamed like a pterodactyl for hours and weeks, unable to be content. It was like something was in her driving her to push for something better, something more.

She refused a bottle for months and then when she made up her mind about what she wanted, she refused me. Her path, her way, her time.

Potty training was an absolute nightmare. I was scared for life. I just knew she would be the one kid in history to go to middle school in diapers. She had no problem sitting in poop as a 5 year old. No offense, but I wanted to punch those people who posted on Facebook that their kids were potty trained in one day with a simple reward of a sticker.

And then there are the fights. Tantrums. Meltdowns. I have laid on my closet floor in the fetal position crying more times than I can count questioning why in the world God would choose me to be a mother.

She has made me question everything — myself, my faith, my heart. There are days where I know I’m not cut out for this. This girl, full of passion and glory, is determined and strong willed. She wants it her way, and she will fight me to the finish.

And as hard as she is, she is good. She is glorious. She is kind and full of compassion. She is my biggest amplifier. It is easy for me to see the qualities in her that are of me. She amplifies my negative qualities and my positive qualities. What I am in part, she is in full. If I have emotionally crazy in me, she amplifies that on a greater scale. However, if I have an ounce of compassion in me, she has gallons in her.

I’m not writing this post with answers. I’m writing so that you know you aren’t alone. I am currently right there with you. I have not crossed the finish line. Maybe you are just as weary as I am, so I wanted to give you a couple of insights that I’ve learned in the trenches of how to survive a strong-willed child.

Remember the Good

I’ve learned that you have to remember the good. It is so hard to remember or even notice the good when you are dodging bullets. Most days I am worn out. I’m tired of repeating the same thing over and over. It’s easy to not notice the good. It’s easy to miss the times that she is kind to complete strangers. She wants to know who they are and their story and the stranger always walks away feeling noticed. What a good quality to care for people in such a way.

Say Yes Sometimes

I have to remind myself to say yes sometimes. My girl hears no so much on a daily basis. I have to remember to say yes to building a fort. Yes to letting her play with every single toy she owns even if it means I have to help her clean up. Yes to having a dance party with her while cooking dinner. Yes to crafting with her even though there isn’t a craft bone in my body.

It’s Not About Winning

Surviving is remembering that it’s not about winning. My strong-willed girl loves to fight. She wants me to engage. She is full of drama. The times where I know I’ve crossed a line and reacted and disciplined in anger have been when I wanted to win. I wanted to be the last word. I was wounded. In those intense moments, its hard to not take it personal. She has hurled words at me that break my bones. Sometimes it feels like I’m fighting with a teenager and not a six year old. I have to resist the temptation to fight back. I want to defend myself, my rights, my position. She feels the full range of emotion. She will fight with all her might and then in an instance, she’s over it. She goes back to happy girl who laughs and loves all the while I’m slain on the bedroom floor disrespected, hurt, and not ready to forgive. It’s not about winning especially at the expense of losing the relationship.

Love the Way They Feel Loved

And finally, love them the way they feel loved. My girl’s love tank is filled by time and attention. She’s not a snuggler. We laugh that you will be injured by her if you try to get physical affection from her. It just doesn’t come natural to her. Let me just say that quality time with little people is not my jam. Playing barbies or pretend play puts me to sleep. Seriously boring, but that is exactly what fills up her little heart. The times that I have pushed aside my selfishness and got on the floor to give her 20 minutes of undivided attention, she glows. It’s as if I can see her feeling loved. Sometimes all they need is whatever fills up their love tank.

I am clearly no expert on parenting, but I do know how to recognize my own mistakes and attempt to learn from them. I know this girl is going to do great things … as long as we don’t kill each other in the process.

What about you? Do you have a strong willed kid? What have you learned to help us survive?

Sarah Bragg has worked with students in ministry for more than 15 years and previously worked in full-time ministry for 7 years. Her book titled titled Body. Beauty. Boys. The Truth About Girls and How We See Ourselves helps young women find their value in the One who matters. She is the Lead Editor for a student strategy and curriculum called XP3 Middle School for Orange at the reThink Group. She has a Masters of Arts in Biblical Studies from Dallas Theological Seminary. Sarah and her husband, Scott, and their daughters, Sinclair and Rory, reside in Marietta, Georgia. To listen to conversations about surviving life, check out her podcast Surviving Sarah on iTunes and to follow along with her life, check out


When Doing Justly, Loving Mercy, and Walking Humbly Stand at Odds

If your compassion far exceeds your capacity, here’s one way you can be sure to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly.



One of my life verses is Micah 6:8, “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”

It is one of my favorite verses because my heart has been so moved by the love Jesus has for me and the sacrifice He made for me that I am grateful to have a way to express my gratitude through acts of justice and mercy while walking humbly with God.

I have found at times, however, the call to do justice and love mercy come in conflict with the call to walk humbly with God. For me, one of the ways to walk humbly with God is to recognize my limitations. I have to put skin to the fact that I am not God which means saying, “no” to ministry requests. It means going to sleep when I could be spending time advocating for the harrowed and helpless in the world. It means limited seats at my table, limited funds in my bank account, and limited energy in my body cannot be ignored but respected and adhered to.

This is hard for me at times, especially when I scroll my Facebook feed and see friends who are caring for their really sick children, spouse, or other family member all while millions of refugees flee war torn countries and babies are slaughtered by the hundreds each day in our country through the abortion industry.

As I scroll, I receive texts about one family member’s surgery gone wrong and another family member announcing a new baby is on the way. I have in mind my neighbor who has inpatient surgery scheduled this week and another neighbor who is trying to hold down a full-time job, care for twins all while battling profound “morning” sickness.

Folks at church are fighting for their lives in physical and spiritual ways, and strangers who pass me on the road are clearly battling something as demonstrated by their impatient honking because I won’t take a right turn on red. I want to meet the needs of all; I want to do justice and love mercy, but I’m daily confronted by the fact that I am so limited.

What am I to do when doing justly and/or loving mercy seem to come in conflict with walking humbly with my God?

God keeps bringing me to this answer: prayer.

God invites us to cast our cares before Him because He cares for us.
God tells us to be anxious for nothing BUT WITH PRAYER present our requests before Him.
God commands us to pray without ceasing.

And, when I walk humbly with God, I see the immense kindness in His command.
He gives us a way to do justly, love mercy WHILE walking humbly with Him.
It is by praying without ceasing.

I cannot take a meal or give money to every sick person or family I know. I cannot extend kindness to all my neighbors all at the same time they’re in need nor conjure up sustainable solutions for the refugee crisis and contact all the necessary world powers to make it happen.

I cannot heal all, but I know the Healer.

I cannot provide for all the needs, but I know the Provider.

I cannot rescue everyone in need, but I know the Rescuer.

I cannot comfort all the broken, but I know the Comforter.

I cannot speak peace over every situation, but I know the Prince of Peace.

I cannot be all to all, but I can go to the Great I Am through prayer, lay all the people, problems and pleas for help before the Omniscient and Omnipresent God of all Creation.

I can do this through prayer.

Recently, via an Instagram contest of all things, I came upon A–Z prayer cards designed by blogger/author/speaker, Amelia Rhodes. It is a simple concept packed with a powerful prayer punch. It has served me personally in this tension of wanting to do far more than I practically can do. It provides prayer prompts starting with each letter of the alphabet along with a scripture that coincides with the prayer focus. It ranges from Adoption to a creative “Zero Prejudice” for the letter “Z.”

The cards are well thought out, color printed on sturdy cardstock with blank lines for the user to write in the names of people and/or organizations that are personal to them.

If, like me, your compassion far exceeds your capacity, pick up a set of these prayer cards and unload your burdens onto a God whose competence matches His kindness, both boundless.

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Facing Our Fears in Motherhood

Do you have fears tied to motherhood? If so, here’s encouragement for you.



“Are you scared?”

I was taken aback by his question. Scared? Of what?

“Of anything,” he answered.

I had just shared my due date with a new class of trainees.

“He has three boys,” another new hire volunteered. So fear is to be expected, I reasoned. I’m just about to face the most frightening experience in my life.

Of course I was scared.

I was scared…

  • I’ll lose my temper.
  • I’ll whine about sleepless nights.
  • I’ll breastfeed too often or not often enough.
  • I’ll leave piles of unfolded onesies in the middle of the nursery floor because I’m too tired (or lazy?) to fold teeny-tiny baby clothes for the upteenth time.
  • I’ll go with disposable diapers when the better choice would be cloth.
  • I’ll work too many long hours at the office and miss precious moments with her.
  • I’ll sign her up for too many activities and push her to become Miss Achieve-It-All.
  • I’ll pass on to her my ugly pride, self-righteousness, and perfectionism like a dreadful contagious disease.
  • I’ll miss countless little joys in life while pursuing worthless dreams.

Facing Our Fears in MotherhoodIn short… I was afraid I was going to fail miserably as a parent.

And now, holding my second-born daughter in my arms, thinking back on that brief exchange just a few years ago, I realize those fears were well-founded. I’ve failed many times. I’ve lost my temper. I’ve raised my voice. I’ve worked too much and played too little. I’ve seen my own sinfulness reflected in my daughter.

Yes, I’ve failed, but over and above it all, God’s grace has covered my parenting imperfections and made me run to the cross day after day. The writer of Proverbs puts it this way:

Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.
Proverbs 14:26

When it comes to fears, we have two choices: Will we fear the unknown or will we fear the Lord? Will we allow the uncertain to grip us in its clutch or will we turn to God’s Truth to set us free?

Scared? Oh yeah. There was so much to be scared of that day. And even now, if I’m completely honest, there are still fears nibbling at the edges of my consciousness. Fear that we won’t outgrow the temper tantrums. Fear that the two girls won’t get along. Fear that I’ll mess them up and cause them interminable hours on a psychologist’s couch.

I’m sure you have fears, too.

But rather than allow those fears to consume and paralyze us, we can take them to the Lord, acknowledging His sovereignty over our parenting, pleading His grace over our mistakes, and entrusting His provision over their futures. He is not only able to handle it all — He is far more capable to be trusted with it all.

If I say one thing to that frightened 9-month-pregnant me standing in that room years ago, I would say this: Don’t let fear rob today’s joy with tomorrow’s unknowns. Each day has enough worries of its own (Matthew 6:34).

Instead, let us keep seeking God, running to Him as our secure fortress and resting in the knowledge that He will care for us and our children one day at a time.

What are you scared of today? Name your fears and bring them to the Lord, allowing Him to replace them with His peace that passes all understanding.

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He Gives Shade To The Weary

If anxiety is a struggle for you right now, remember that He gives shade to the weary.



Do you ever have those moments of fear because you don’t know what lies ahead? When do those thoughts tend to happen to you?

For me, most of those thoughts happen when I lay my head down to sleep at night. The vulnerability comes forth every time. That’s what happened the other night to me. I shut my eyes and immediately anxiety welled up inside me.

What if we don’t succeed in this new venture? What if we have to move? What if we can’t pay our bills?

I laid there with the covers drawn tight over my head (I still think that I am safer if the covers are over my head), praying scripture over my anxious heart. Assuring myself that God sees me and that He cares.

In the morning, I turned to Isaiah 41, specifically verses 10-20.

“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10, NASB)

Yesterday, the “what if’s” piled up as I anxiously looked about me. My daughter needs tutoring, however at this point in life, tutoring feels like a luxury we can’t afford. So I listed some items online to sell hoping to make just enough to cover the tutoring. I’m buying groceries on a Visa reward card. I’m holding my breath until the next paycheck comes. But what did God speak over me: Do not fear. Do not look anxiously about you.

“For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.’ Do not fear, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel; I will help you,” declares the Lord, “and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.” (Isaiah 41:13-14 NASB)

Why shouldn’t I be anxious? Because God will hold me up. God will help me. When I first read the word “worm” as a description, I took it as a slam against Israel. Like, gesh, God. What animal does He relate me to? But through further study, He calls them a worm because worms are helpless. They are viewed as insignificant, despised and weak. God will help me — seemingly insignificant, helpless me — because He is my Redeemer. He is my go’el — my next of kin. The Redeemer is the one who provides for all my needs. Rent. Car payment. Credit card bill. Gas. Food. Clothes. Debt. God will redeem.

He Gives Shade to the Weary

“Behold, I have made you a new, sharp threshing sledge with double edges; You will thresh the mountains and pulverize them, And will make the hills like chaff. You will winnow them, and the wind will carry them away, And the storm will scatter them; But you will rejoice in the Lord, You will glory in the Holy One of Israel.” (Isaiah 41:15-16 NASB).

God is transforming me from a helpless one to a powerful one. The description of that type of threshing sledge is like a modern day earth mover. Powerful. Strong. Immovable.

“The afflicted and needy are seeking water, but there is none, And their tongue is parched with thirst; I, the Lord, will answer them Myself, As the God of Israel I will not forsake them.” (Isaiah 41:17, NASB)

He will come to our rescue. God, Himself, will answer you and me. Can you hear how personal that sounds? Have you ever pleaded with someone important whether your boss, public figure, or even a parent, and they responded to the need themselves? You expected for them to send their assistant, but instead they — the most important one — responded to you.

“I will open rivers on the bare heights And springs in the midst of the valleys; I will make the wilderness a pool of water And the dry land fountains of water. I will put the cedar in the wilderness, The acacia and the myrtle and the olive tree; I will place the juniper in the desert Together with the box tree and the cypress.” (Isaiah 41:18-19, NASB)

This passage describes the wilderness-like times in life. You are barren. You are thirsty. You are hot. You are in need. God will provide what you need. God will quench your thirst. He will provide shade when you are weary. During those times, God can provide in creative, innovative ways. He can provide something out of nothing. Doesn’t that give you great hope? Even when you can’t answer how He will do it, He is creative enough to figure it out even when the odds are stacked against you.

“That they may see and recognize, And consider and gain insight as well, That the hand of the Lord has done this, And the Holy One of Israel has created it.” (Isaiah 41:20 NASB).

God will do all of this so that His glory will be put on display. People — including yourself — will see that He is powerful.

So you can see how after a night of wrestling with fear and anxiety, reading this was like shade and water for my soul. God is a god who sees. And God is a god who acts on your behalf.

What do you need His help with today? What are you fearful about today? What keeps you awake at night? Where do you need some shade?

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Hi, I'm Ashleigh Slater, founder and editor of Ungrind. Here at Ungrind, it’s our goal to churn out biblically-based encouragement for women. We strive to be honest and transparent about our struggles in a way that inspires hope, faith, and perseverance.

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Surviving a Strong-Willed Child

by Sarah Bragg time to read: 5 min