Connect with us

Articles

The Pastor’s Kid

Published

on

Daughter of a Bible college student. Granddaughter of a seasoned minister. I could recite my dad’s sermons word for word. At a young age, I was acutely aware of the eternal. I practiced my evangelistic skills on my little sister and my neighborhood friend two houses down. No doubt impacted by my dad’s and grandpa’s passion for sharing the love of Jesus, my heart was eager to follow their example.

Life in a Pastor’s Home

As the years passed and my dad became a full-time pastor, my attitude changed. Dad’s responsibilities seemed never-ending. Beyond weekly services and premarital counseling, he accommodated demanding personalities and answered constant needs at all hours. Phone calls at 2 a.m., Saturday morning funerals, and impromptu counseling sessions became the norm.

As a child, all I knew was that it meant less time for me.

By the time I reached my late teens, I disliked being a pastor’s daughter — not simply because I had to share my dad with so many others, but also because of well-meaning church members who placed unrealistic expectations on me as a pastor’s kid (PK). People seemed to forget that I was just a teen. I hadn’t signed up for nursery duty every week, and I didn’t appreciate sideways glances if my sisters and I weren’t firmly planted in a pew every time the church doors opened. My passion waned; a subtle, growing resentment moved into my heart.

When I moved 1,000 miles away from my family to attend graduate school, I sighed in relief at the prospect of attending a church where I wasn’t known as the PK.

After several years out of the PK limelight, I moved past this attitude and began to view my experiences positively. Through them I learned how to evaluate my motives and seek God’s approval, not other people’s, when making decisions. My years of nursery duty no longer seemed like forced labor. Instead, they showed me humble service. After all, changing diapers and comforting other people’s screaming children is hardly glamorous work. Now, I can approach my own pastor and his family with appreciation, grace, and understanding because I’ve walked a mile or two in their shoes. Maybe my insight will help you do the same.

Appreciation and Consideration

Extend grace. Being part of a pastor’s family, I know well that standing behind a pulpit doesn’t imply perfection. As a member of a congregation, it can be easy to scrutinize my pastors, evaluating every word and action. But I need to be careful not to nitpick and be quick to extend grace.

Offer common courtesy. Recently I committed a huge no-no. I called our associate pastor’s wife at dinnertime. During the course of the conversation, I apologized multiple times. Why? Because I remember what it was like to receive phone calls and other interruptions during dinnertime, one of the rare opportunities when pastors and their families can sit down together as a family.

I knew to extend common courtesy to my pastors and their families by making an effort not to call during dinnertime, holidays, or Sunday afternoons.

Support their marriage. Conflict isn’t absent from the homes of pastors. Pastors and their spouses are under extreme pressure. I’ve seen it. Now as a member of a congregation, one of my goals is to support and encourage my pastors in their marriages.

I can give a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant, encouraging them to date one another, or offer free babysitting. Other subtle ways include not speaking critically about the pastor to his wife or putting my pastors in a compromising position. If I need to stop by the pastor’s office, I leave the door open. If I need advice on personal issues, I involve the pastor’s wife in the discussion.

When I think about my own background, I gain a fresh appreciation for the time and energy my dad invested and for what my pastor invests in his family and ministry today. And although it took me awhile, I now gratefully confess, “I grew up as a PK.”

Spread the love

Ashleigh Slater is the author of the books Braving Sorrow Together: The Transformative Power of Faith and Community When Life is Hard and Team Us: The Unifying Power of Grace, Commitment, and Cooperation in Marriage. With over twenty years of writing experience and a master’s degree in communication, she loves to combine the power of a good story with practical application to encourage and inspire readers. Ashleigh lives in Atlanta with her husband, Ted, and four daughters.

Welcome to Ungrind!

Do you want to be inspired, motivated, and equipped to live the everyday story of your life well?

If so, you’re in the right place. Whether you need encouragement in your relationships or in your faith, I hope you’ll find the transparent voices of mentors and friends here at Ungrind.

So, grab a cup of coffee and keep reading. We're so glad you're here!

Ashleigh Slater, Founder & Managing Editor

Get Our Free Ebook!

Sign up to receive weekly emails from Ungrind and you’ll get the free ebook, Better Together. Be encouraged by stories of hope from women just like you!

Latest Articles

What Women Are Saying

"Ungrind speaks to women who yearn to look beyond the surface and get to the heart of life; whose purposes and loves are eternal. Their articles are practical, spiritual, and encouraging. In a world of shiny treasures that will corrode before we can blink, Ungrind helps us focus on the things that matter -- remembering that we are, first and foremost, women of God."

--Rachel Starr Thomson, author of Heart to Heart: Meeting With God in the Lord's Prayer

Featured Resource

"Real life is not always pleasant. Every marriage experiences disappointments, misunderstandings, sickness and financial crisis. Ashleigh doesn’t camouflage the pain in her own marriage, and offers practical ideas on how to walk through the difficulties and find intimacy on the journey. If you are anything like me, I predict that as you read, you too will find yourself laughing, wiping tears, and saying 'Oh, yes.'"

-- Gary Chapman, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages

Disclosure

We are a member of the Amazon affiliate program and regularly use affiliate links. If you purchase an item from an Amazon link we provide, we will receive a small referral commission. This doesn’t cost you anything additional. We only share books, music, and products that our writers personally have used and highly recommend.

Trending

Ungrind

The Pastor’s Kid

by Ashleigh Slater time to read: 3 min