It was my wedding day. I stood at the door to the wedding chapel, dressed in satin and tulle; the same chapel where my parents and grandparents had been married. Ahead of me lay a new life, a new family, and a new name. The weight of the moment, naturally lent itself to introspection, and a peek back at those who had come before me.
Growing up, I heard stories from family members about how they felt on their wedding day. Most were unsettled about the step before them. You could say this was a case of hindsight, considering the stories were told to me after separation and divorce. The fears they’d experienced, the doubt they toyed with and the end result weighed heavily on my mind that bright February morning.
I was determined to break the cycle. The generational curse that I saw upon my family, a curse upon relationships, was going to end with me. That’s a lot of pressure to put upon oneself, but I felt like the alternative was worse. I knew divorce, I knew brokenness, I knew disappointment. Standing there, at the doors to the chapel, I made my own vows:
I will not disrespect my husband to his face, or behind his back. My words to him need to be honoring and life-giving. There would be no place for sarcasm and bitterness in our marriage.
Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, and yet few couples ever find…unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her.” (Dr. Emerson, Love and Respect for a Lifetime)
I will not run when the going gets tough. My tendency to shut down, detach and give up would only hurt me in the long run. We would talk through every disagreement, walk through every trial and do the work until the situation was defused.
Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26b-27)
I will not lie to, manipulate or deceive my husband. Trust is a hard thing for me to give, and I didn’t want to ever take advantage of his.
A little lie is like a little pregnancy: it doesn’t take long before everyone knows. (C.S. Lewis)
I will not allow my marriage or our future children to be a source of resentment. I will not think of my marriage or my children as a hindrance to the things that might have been.
Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. (Psalm 127:3)
I may have stood at the same door my family did as I began my marriage, but looking back to that day ten years later I see that the path God led me is very different. The vows I made were not always easy to uphold, but His strength helped me to persevere. Their hindsight gave me a 20/20 vision for my future.
Welcome to Ungrind!
Do you want to be inspired, motivated, and equipped to live the everyday story of your life well?
If so, you’re in the right place. Whether you need encouragement in your relationships or in your faith, I hope you’ll find the transparent voices of mentors and friends here at Ungrind.
So, grab a cup of coffee and keep reading. We're so glad you're here!
Ashleigh Slater, Founder & Managing Editor
Get Our Free Ebook!
To Those Who Want To Be Truly Happy: Stop Chasing Happiness
Chasing happiness isn't all it's cracked up to be. Here are a few reasons why.
How the Psalms Speak to Our Emotions
The Psalms is a book that's rich with the reality of what life's like in this fallen world. Here are...
3 Ways to Navigate Personality Differences
Sometimes personality differences can wear on us. Here are three ways we can navigate them in a loving manner.
Surprised By ‘A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood’
If you haven't seen this film, God may speak to your heart through it in ways you weren't expecting.
The Wedding Ring
Are you struggling in your marriage? Here's how a wedding ring helped one wife fight for her marriage.
5 Ways to Live an Out-of-Control Life
Here are 5 ways to let go of control and trust your present and your future to God.
5 Creative Places to Find Prayer Accountability
Do you want to pray more, but are easily distracted? Here are some practical ways to stay focused.
What Women Are Saying
-- Renee Fisher, author of Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me
"Real life is not always pleasant. Every marriage experiences disappointments, misunderstandings, sickness and financial crisis. Ashleigh doesn’t camouflage the pain in her own marriage, and offers practical ideas on how to walk through the difficulties and find intimacy on the journey. If you are anything like me, I predict that as you read, you too will find yourself laughing, wiping tears, and saying 'Oh, yes.'"
-- Gary Chapman, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages
We are a member of the Amazon affiliate program and regularly use affiliate links. If you purchase an item from an Amazon link we provide, we will receive a small referral commission. This doesn’t cost you anything additional. We only share books, music, and products that our writers personally have used and highly recommend.
Faith4 years ago
When Doing Justly, Loving Mercy, and Walking Humbly Stand at Odds
Motherhood4 years ago
Surviving a Strong-Willed Child
Faith5 years ago
7 Ways to Create A Family Altar
Friendship6 years ago
Beyond the Registry: The Ultimate Gift Guide for Expectant Parents
Relationships8 months ago
5 Ways to Teach Your Child to Hear God
Marriage6 years ago
4 Reasons I’m Not Facebook Friends With My Husband
Everyday Faith5 years ago
6 Simple Ways to Give Thanks in the Thick of It
Articles6 years ago
10 Ways Life is Like a Box of Chocolates
Articles7 years ago
How to Lift Up the One You Love
Articles6 years ago
Relationships1 year ago
Facing Our Motherhood Fears
Digging Into Scripture5 months ago
How the Psalms Speak to Our Emotions